


I Kind of Want to Lick It?

by FunkyRacoon



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dragon Eggs are cursed, Dragons, Humor, M/M, Magic, Mentions of Sexual Content, Parenthood, Protective Derek, Protective Stiles, you can thank the magicians for this disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 19:50:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18453455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkyRacoon/pseuds/FunkyRacoon
Summary: Scott, Allison, and Stiles find a large red egg in the middle of the woods, nothing good comes out of it when Stiles touches the egg and suddenly Derek and Stiles are dragon egg parents.





	I Kind of Want to Lick It?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a good explanation for this fic, except that I was watching The Magicians and there was this funny part where they touched a dragons egg and were suddenly the parents. I just thought it would make a fun Sterek au because they're pretty much parents of the pack already :)

Derek and most of the pack had been laying around his loft when he got the phone call from Scott. IT was a normal, average boring day where they didn’t have anything and there wasn’t a monster of the week running around trying to kill any of them. So, a normal week. Derek was reading in the big brown leather chair the pack had deemed the “Alpha’s” chair, which meant no one but Derek sat in it. Well, there was one occasion where Stiles had fallen asleep in the chair while researching everything on pixies int he Bestiary, the whole pack thought Derek was going to kill the poor kid. But the alpha had only huffed and thrown a blanket over the teenager who was snoring into the armrest. 

Picking up the phone and raising an eyebrow as he saw Scott’s caller ID, Derek clicked the answer button and put it up to his ear and said, “Yes?”

“Derek! Oh my god-thank god you answered the phone, look I’m bringing Stiles over to the loft right now, get a pack meeting set up it’s an-Stiles sit down!” Scott yelled at the yelling in the background, Derek noted Alliosn’s and Stiles voices yelling in the background which had him raising an eyebrow. Stiles and Allison had never gotten into a fight-well, except after the whole Gerard thing, but it wasn’t much of a fight. More like Stiles threatening the whole Argent family-to their faces-that if they harmed the pack again he would take them all out. He didn’t give a long exaggerated rant about what he would do, but the threat was there and even Derek had gotten nervous when he saw the fury in Stiles eyes.

“Scott? What’s wrong?” Derek asked, standing up from where he was seated.

“Uh…it’s kind of hard to explain, but like-OH MY GOD!”

“DON’T TOUCH HIM!” Stiles snarled in the background of the phone, Derek had jerked his head from the phone because Stiles voice was so loud. The werewolves in the room immediately jumped up when they heard Stiles yelling.

“Well be there in a few minutes. Just be prepared!” Scott growled before suddenly hanging up.

“Wait Scott! Prepared for what!” Derek said, the nervous paranoia suddenly having him on edge.

It was a full five minutes of everyone being on edge and pacing around the loft when suddenly the loft door was slammed open by Scott. Scott who looked like a complete wreck and had dried blood all over him, Allison was behind him nervously looking behind her as she quickly stepped into the loft. Lastly Stiles walked in and Derek was instantly hit with a range of scents; Scott smelled frustrated and nervous, while Allison just smelled scared, and Stiles…Stiles smelt furious with a strange underline of fondness in his scent. And when he full stepped into the loft Derek blinked at the giant red egg bean cradled in one arm while the other had a knife that had dried blood on it.

“What is going on?” Lydia said, always being the first to break through the silence.

Scott huffed and then pointed to Stiles and the egg, “We were out in the woods following a scent I picked up and we fond this large egg, and then Stiles TOUCHED the egg and suddenly it’s like-I don’t know how to explain it but he thinks he’s the eggs mother and literally stabbed me when I got close.” Scott growled the last part and rubbed his arm, probably one of the place Stiles had stabbed him at.

Stiles-Mr. Never Shuts Up, didn’t say anything and instead narrowed his eyes at everyone before scooting around the room and sitting down in the corner of the loft while cradling the egg. He grabbed a couple of blankets on the way and made a nest out of them.

Erica started laughing, “What, Stiles?” Jackson joined in the laughter and walked over to where Stiles was, “He can’t be that danger-AAGH!”

Stiles let at Jackson and stabbed him in the leg when he got within three feet of him. The werewolf snarled and when he wolfed out Stiles only answer was too growl and hold the knife back up threatened at the werewolf. Jackson snarled and quickly walked away back to where Lydia was standing. “Ok, Stiles has definitely lost his mind.”

“Dude!” Scott yelled at Jackson who was staring at the healing wound on his leg, the beta’s head whipped around to Derek and said, “Derek what do we do!”

The alpha just stared blankly at Stiles who cooed at the egg and pet the top of it.

“Derek?” Isaac asked nervously.

“I…” Derek started but his words suddenly fell off and then he was moving towards Stiles. The werewolves tensed up and waited to see what Stiles would do to Derek as he got closer. But then Derek was falling knees first into the little nest and Stiles clutched the egg closer to his chest, sniffed at the air and made a strange noise in the back of his throat and held the egg out to Derek who took it in his hands. Derek stared at the egg.

“Derek?” Erica asked the alpha, “Derek what’s going on?”

“I…I kind of want to lick the egg?” Derek answered as he stared at the giant egg in his hands

“Derek no! If you do then you’ll get curse-DEREK!”

The alpha leaned down on licked the top on the egg, which had Stiles smiling and making a weird noise again, “Derek.” Stiles said softly at the alpha. Derek just smiled back at Stiles like it was the most normal thing and then nuzzled Stiles cheek as they both wrapped themselves protectively around the large egg.

“Oh my god, they’re CURSED!” Erica yelled frantically flailing her arms around and scuttling around where the two of them were seated and cuddling with each other. “Lydia, your the only other smartest person in the room what do we do?”

Lydia just scoffed at the beta’s nervousness, “Obviously we take pictures for black mail. And then we looking everything up on large red eggs, Scott and Allison get Chris and go back to the place where you found the egg and see if you can find any clues. Do NOT touch anything there. Actually, wear gloves just to make sure.”

“Ok,” Scott breathed nervously, “We can do this. We can fix Derek and Stiles so they aren’t doing THAT anymore.” He said, pointing over to where Derek and Stiles were cooing over the egg and Derek was holding Stiles in his arms and rubbing his face against the back of Stiles neck.

~~

Chris, Allison, and Scott all went back to where the nest was and looked around for any clues, but all they found was some animal bones and a large red scale that covered Chris’s entire hand. When they found the scale Chris had stopped and gasped before picking up the scale and then looked at them both as he told them, “We have a major problem.”

They immediately ran back to the loft where Derek and Stiles now had three space heaters around them as they cuddled around the egg, forming a kind of protective shell, where Chris told them what they were dealing with.

“Dragons.”

“Dragons!”

“Oh my god, could this get any worse.”

Chris chuckled at that, “Actually yes, because technically Stiles just stole a dragons baby.”

“What do you mean by technically?” Lydia narrowed her eyes at the older man.

“When a dragon gives birth and has a clutch of eggs, the egg creates a kind of pheromone of sorts, so that when something tries to do it harm it will touch it and then suddenly become like a surrogate parent to the egg. So, when Stiles and Derek touched the egg…”

“Oh my god, they think their parents.” Isaac whined.

Jackson snorted, “I mean, it does fit them both. Derek is the dad because he’s a caring asshole and the alpha, while Stiles is the mom. I mean he does do all the grocery shopping and make sure we eat healthy foods, as well as freak out whenever any of us get hurt.”

“The perfect couple.”

“Oh my god, stop!” Scott whined. “They don’t even like each other!”

The whole pack was staring at Scott now with mixed looks on their faces, but it was Lydia who had scoffed and said, “Wow, your oblivious.”

“What’s the supposed to mean?” Scott frowned.

“Scott, Derek and Stiles have been drooling over each other since they first met. They literally eye fuck each other every pack meeting, how have you missed this?” Erica pointed out, Boyd nodding right next to her.

“Wh-no. Stiles would have told me if he had a crush on Derek. He always tells me things.” 

Erica rolled her eyes, “Maybe he didn’t tell you, because he knew you’d freak out like how you are right now.”

Looking over to where Derek and Stiles were both at; Derek laying down on the blankets and wrapped around the egg with his head laying in Stiles lap, meanwhile Stiles was running his fingers through Derek’s hair and nuzzling his nose against the man’s cheek. It suddenly clicked in Scott’s head and his jaw was dropping to the floor, “Oh my god.”

Humming, Lydia turned her attention back to Chris and said, “So how do we fix this?”

~~

Apparently fixing the problem was a lot easier when said dragon mother burst into the mother with rage and fury in her eyes, the whole pack kind of just freezes as the woman growls at them about stealing her egg. Which after Lydia spent ten minutes calming her down and the woman turned out to be friendly and tells them she was just going out to the grocery store and when she came back and found her baby gone she had freaked out. She was relieved to see that Stiles and Derek had been taking care of the egg, and then asked for it back.

And you see that was probably the hardest part of the whole thing.

Because both Stiles and Derek fought tooth and nail to keep the egg; the alpha had roared and shifted into his full alpha shift and snapped and bite anyone of his beta’s who came near the egg or Stiles. While Jackson, Scott AND Chris had to hold down Stiles who was fighting them all off with his knife while the dragon snatched her egg back and made a run for it, not before telling them that the effects of the egg will wear off in time. It took an hour of holding them both down before the finally relaxed, well, Derek had shifted back to his human form and ran over to throw off Jackson and Scott who were still holding Stiles down while Chris was stitching up the nasty wound Stiles gave him. The alpha growled at them all and carried Stiles up to his room where they heard the human starting to sob over the loss of his baby, and Derek shushing him as he held the human in his arms on his bed.

“So, are they going to be ok?” Erica asked, where she was laying on the ground, her wounds healing slowly as they were inflicted by Derek, “Because I don’t know if I can do tat again.”

“At the vest least, Stiles will probably have empty nest depression, and will probably cry if he sees an egg.” Chris told them, and then looked back up the stares with a frown as everyone heard Stiles loud wet sobbing. “Perhaps we should give them some space.”

“I will never look Stiles the same way.” Jackson said, he was the one who got most of the attack, and had a knife stabbed through his cheek and shoulder. Scott simply nodded and followed Allison back to her house.

It’s three days later when anyone is allowed back into the loft, the first time they had to leave immediately because Stiles started sobbing when he opened up the fridge and Derek suddenly went made with the urge to protect and attack anyone who got close to Stiles. When they enter the loft Stiles and Derek are lounging on the couch together, Stiles is wearing a pair of Derek’s too big sweatpants and a Henley that hangs off of him, but is oh so comfy. He’s got his feet in Derek’s lap while playing some game on his phone under a pile of blankets, while Derek has reading a book and had a hand on Stiles ankle, rubbing into the skin. The beta’s walked over to where they were and nervously looked at each other trying to fight on who was going to talk first.

“I’m not going to cry over an egg, again, guys. I’m all normal annoying Stiles now, no weird mother vibes here.” Stiles told them when he looked up from his phone.

Relaxing, the pack threw themselves to lay around the couches and the floor.

“So, are you two finally dating now?” Scott asked, Lydia face palmed at the idiot and everyone else held back their groans.

Stiles just grinned at them, sitting up to lean over and plant a long wet kiss to Derek’s cheek, the alpha just hummed and leaned into Stiles touch when the human started petting his hair. “Sure are. And let me tell you, I’ve just had the best sex of my life.”

“I thought you guys wanted us out so you could deal with the whole dragon egg parent vibes?!” Erica yelled. Which Stiles just laughed and winked at them.

“Nah, we got over it like a day later and then had sex the rest of the time, we just wanted you guys to leave us alone.”

“I hate you both so much.”

“No you don’t, besides your our favorite beta.” Derek glared at Stiles when he said that, as suddenly the whole pack was jumping to their feet and yelling for answers as too why Erica was their favorite of the pack.

**Author's Note:**

> Needed a small break from working on other fics, so I wrote this, hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> Come chat with me on Tumblr: funkyracoon


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